Lately I was struggling with a certain topic. As always, I get that mirrored back in my mentoring sessions. Clients asked me: Where exactly is the line between consitency and toxic relational behavior? How much should individual needs and wants be accepted rather than transformed? When is the time to accept incompatibility and give up working on compatibility? Looking closer, this is an underlying question in mostly all relational coachings. It's about a basic human split between the acceptance of the current situation and the potential two or more people are able to move into. Since the basis of my work is bringing awareness into behaviour, this enables making conscious decisions coming from integrity. I accompany my clients finding their truths for their needs, help them grow into their potential and give them practical tools for inner- and interpersonal development. So far so good. But lately I personally caught myself asking myself the question 'How superhuman do I have to become to make things f*ckin' work?'. It's a thin line between consistently growing into new potentials and with that enabling constructive relational development and overwhelming yourself with abandonment of own needs and the push to become more aware, stronger, more of integrity and heald... Whereas working on myself, my shadows, patterns and limitating beliefs is key for growth, how do I find the right pace and how do I know when it's time to rest and accept rather then to push on? Personal developement can become not just addictive but also a pressurefull burden you put on yourself. Either because of the underlying belief that you're not good enough or because you really want to make something work. Finding the line between selfabandonment and personal growth is sometimes hard. And the deeper you go into your personal rabbit hole the harder it gets. Managing the split is crucial though to not let shadow aspects run the show.
Just yesterday I almost fell for it again. I gladly found a hint for finding the thin line, which I currently would call focus on myself. If I act from a movement impuls whithin myself I can trust that this is a potential I want to move into.
If the focus is very much on the outside, a person or a state of relationship I feel a pull and here I have to become alerted.
I let myself pull far into overwhelming situations and I learned and developed alot through the necessary adaptions I had to make there. But shit this mostly was overwhelming and painful - but yes I survived.
With it, there came some seemingly 'superhuman' traits for which I am happy, taddaa!
But now it's time for me to be more gentle to myself.
And therefore with my clients.
I want development and consistency to come from an internal flow, not an outward pull. No forcing myself or others anymore to make things work.
This brings the tender feeling of being enough even if situations in relationships aren't how I want them to be.
Be kind to yourself! ❤️
*********************** Photo: Wix