I'm an enthusiast.
So whenever there was development in any relationship that went in the way of my wishes I was excited and all-in.
Whenever there was change perceivable though that didn't go in the direction as planned I was easily triggered or even terrified.
When I pause today and look at it closely, I am learning over and over again that change in (close) relationships holds beauty and blessings in both ways.
There is beauty in coming closer.
There is beauty behind the terror of distancing.
Since I like to look at life as a vibrant flow of impulses and driving forces - that eventually change over time to honour aliveness - development in any connection is not just inevitable but also crucial for it to stay true.
Embracing change isn't about surrendering to whatever happens and neglecting my needs so I can compromise with the new situation.
In fact it's the opposite!
While dealing with change and relational development I have the opportunity to fully feel myself and explore my needs.
Resting in this truth of mine brings in the necessity to also grant this to the other.
This is where I can reach real acknowledgement and therefore acceptance.
Allowing the grief about unwanted changes to unfold in me and observing my reactive patterns wanting to keep me safe from the inevitable pain, I can become still and really enter into what is true.
I realise the pain, sorrows and attempts to manipulate the changes towards my interests are just hidden expressions of Love.
Yet I see my acknowledgement of the others truth in the face of my own as the highest form of Love.
It took me several attempts over decades to learn this.
What remains is gratefulness for what was.
And the realisation that the wish to carry on is just another expression of my Love.