It's often not easy to distinguish the one from the other! And although alot of people will tell you '5 (to 10) signs to spot real/false love', I tell you it's not that easy. The reason is, often both is involved ‐ love and (trauma-)bonding. And actually that is very common and just totally normal. Since there really is this magical sacred force of Love, which unfortunately doesn't just take away your attachment-pattern. While we all carry our traumas that play out in higher or lower degrees of trauma-bonding, we might be with someone we really love. But Love, when you really listen to her, gives you the strength, power and capacity to evolve out of your messiness and unhealthy relational patterns. So it's not that black and white. I really get angry hearing so often about colleagues of mine that 'recommend' breakup quite fast because of seemingly not matching needs and messy patterns. While there are red flags, yes, incompatibilities, definitely, and of course absolut no-go's, ... WHO THE F*CK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE TO JUDGE THE CAPACITY FOR EVOLVING OF THEIR CLIENTS ? 🤬 The truth is, we are relational AND ever, ever evolving beings. Just because we f*cked up the idea of partnership and Love over centuries it doesn't mean we can just keep on going this dead end road! Relationship and personal aswell as societal development go hand in hand. They are the container for growth! So when Love is involved, she is the magnetic force and inner drive that enables us to grow, while coming into this playground with all our issues, patterns, needs and flaws. So it's not about finding the one that fits, it's about finding some to grow with. Do you get the difference? Love is the force, that keeps me motivated to move through and beyond my sh*t. But it doesn't happen by it self. Love in a relationship alone isn't enough. We are too much beautifully messed up human. But Love gives you the possibility to grow into your integrity. If you listen to her, she'll show you what to do. ❤️
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Photo: Doris Reinholz