While unfortunately most people in our culture haven't yet realised the necessity of trauma awareness to live in a thriving relationship, there is a growing sub-culture emerging that does. The latter bring a certain understanding of nervous system patterns and trauma sensitivity which enables them to approach their relationships in a conscious way and more and more gain the opportunity to understand reactionary patterns of nervous system activation. This approach which is commonly called Conscious RELATING inherents an awareness which is the foundation of selfresponsibility within social interaction. Once you've reached the need to relate like this, there is no way back, and new possibilities in relationships appear automatically thus often also creating the necessity for alternative relational structures, however they might look or what parts of the relationship they might adress. This brings up new struggles and sometimes leads to draining 24/7 relational processing. While as I pointed out conscious awareness if relational dynamics are the crucial foundation for selfresponsibility in relationships, for me things don't end here! Actually here the fun is just starting ‼ I appreciate every person consciously owning their triggers and patterns and taking good care for themselves. Yet EVOLUTIONARY RELATING goes even one step further. An evolutionary relationship is NOT just a fancy label, it's a paradigm that actively takes the trauma-sensitivity and selfresponsible nervous system abilities into relational playgrounds. Whereas in conscious communities there is often a mindset that it's enough to know my triggers but then actually still act them out and let them run the show, in an evolutionary relationship you are aware that your relational patterns can only be changed relational. So you don't stop with being informed and aware but you create a healthy companionship, in which you know you both have your issues, your messiness is invited, and also you commit to being in this together. Because we need each other to develop - as simple as that. This given, it's important not to make this a self-optimizing race but rather see the whole relationship as something that is alive, constantly in motion, very much in the now and inviting change. It's about living this way, rather than getting fixed ASAP to make relating easy at last.
The seemingly paradoxical side about this is, this creates a depth and connection and therefore a safety that was unknown before.
How does that sound - alive and evolving while feeling safely connected? Not needing to get anywhere but living in natural motion?
Where change and shifts have been feared and avoided so far, development is invited.
Where before rules, agreements and deadlocked status have ensured the (apparent) safety in the partnership, it now lives from the trust in the connection.
Only a deep feeling of genuine connection gives the security to face the inevitable(!) changing personal and relational needs together.
The conscious relationship builds the foundation. The evolutionary relationship builds and manifests on it. This is mutual conscious manifestation in relationships.
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Photo: Gustavo Linhares