Holding myself as an anxious attached person is crucial when it comes to stepping out of toxic and downward spiralling relationship dynamics (I've been fucking all previous relationships up with, until I actually could do the work and leave my patterns behind - but that's an own article).
I myself still often fall in the trap of seeing the problem in the lack of reassurance or expression of love given from my partner. And my mind is trained well in finding good reasons and explanations for that very quickly.
But if you want to step out the negative dynamic you have to start with yourself - although the other might make it easy for you and calm your anxious parts. But what would it help in the long run to be soothed just now?
Breaking the pattern starts with awareness for the dynamic. Secondly self-responsibility is needed to try to not act out the old patterns, that is seeking the reassurance in the other.
It's so damn hard to just stay sitting with it - which inspires me to this post, so thank you Love.
🙏 Thank you for letting me grow into more integrity.
🙏 Thank you for accompanying me on my way to healing.
🙏 And most of all, thank you for letting me choose, when I want to confront myself with my pattern and shadows and when you're just there with me, giving the small boy inside me, what he needs. I'm the one deciding when to grow and stretch.
This way healing can happen - by my own pace, held in loving connection and with acceptance. ❤️
How I do this?
How I hold myself?
I tried many years...
What I found for me through trauma-aware embodiment:
I try to not regulate my feelings, but regulate not acting out what they propose.
So I cry, I feel the feelings of abandonment and insecurities. And then I move them out of my cramping and winding body by expressing with movement, stretching, sounds and breathing - sometimes with verbal expression.
It's f*cking intense but it's working good for me like that. And I can see improvement so fast, where I before never thought I would find stable ground to stand upon.
Healing unhealthy patterns that keep you small and overcoming trauma is possible.
And it is best done whithin a loving and conscious relationship.
❤️Doing it alone-together!❤️
Photo: Doris Reinholz