I have experienced that most people have a wish to do so but actually it seldom works out really - at least in longer term. I totally get - and it's not so hard to see - that staying friends is hard because of the hurt and grief it brings you in contact with. Broken heart, disintegrated dreams, deep disappointment, maybe jealousy... In my last two partnerships over the last 4 years I totally dove in. I surrendered with everything I got and I committed with everything I could.
With one of the women I don't have any contact any more - and it hurts. I totally realise this isn't my way of doing this. Meanwhile I am able to accept it, which I couldn't for long and then put pressure on her. I feel ashamed for that. Not having managed to stay in contact makes me sad anyways. The Love stays but cannot be expressed. It's in a way conserved. With the woman I opened up to last, the contact never broke off - and I hope we managed to keep it up. While surely giving space, high amounts of awareness and sensitivity about the topics we share is crucial, we both expressed we want to honour what IS, although there is other that ISN'T. And this is a f*cking challenge. It confronts me with my shadows, triggers and patterns. It has the power to keep me unhealthy attached and with that in constant trigger and hurt. This is the reason why assumingly 90% of all lovers can not stay close friends. I get you. I do! And while it surely isn't always easy to see how the other deals with the situation and moves on in life, I feel a gift in this. The gift of authenticity and truth. When the connection is deep, the Love is vast, the commitment was an all-in and there were also practical living-decisions involved - not to mention some trauma-bonding here and there - staying close after breaking up can cost you your sanity.
I have had the most intense time in the last quarter of the year. But something in me refused to just say "well f*ck you" and close down before my hurt. Honestly it's sometimes not easy to distinguish between holding on and keeping the heart open. It isn't always that clear. But after recovering in the last weeks, gaining more clarity and being able to accept the situation in the long run, I learned something:
You shouldn't f*ck with Love!!! That's some revelation!
Love is not something to manipulate on. When she is there I want to fall down on my knees, bow to her and feel everything she blesses me with.
This is my truth.
It's not pleasant and it's not easy but I am convinced that my conscious awareness is able to realise what the situation is and accept the facts while I allow myself to feel what is there, feel the truth without managing it. Not needing to change outer circumstances and create artificial distance to numb down what wants to live emotionally in me.
Some hell of a ride, but it's worth every second of it. Because staying friends after breakup is an opportunity to keep on sharing gifts with each other. The evolutionary process goes on that way. While I had to learn the hard way that sometimes Love isn't enough for a partnership, she still will guide you to your core and share her blessings with you - if you allow her to. ❤️
*********************** Photo: Private