Since I'm back in Leipzig after my adventurous journey (see posts before) I had some difficulty to land & come to rest.
So this morning I found my cortisol level on max and unrest aswell as discomfort with most topics concerning my life.
I've come a long way the last years to learn to regulate myself, take responsibility for my nervous system & not immediately get dragged into the darkest of depths - but it took tones of effort, awareness & energy to come at least into some productive state.
I usually try to 'fix myself' alone or override what's alive in me but in a call with my Beloved I expressed my state & complained about the victimhood I felt in. She listened compassionately and with lots of patients. Then offered me reflections & constructive advice.
The funny thing is, I couldn't take it in.🤪
I'm so grateful for her capacity to feel when things get off, for her strong boundaries & for not playing along in my unregulated bullsh*it.
She clearly expressed that she won't put more energy into offering me advice since I wouldn't take it in anyway.
And she was right. Unknowingly my system needed something else but I still kept asking for help.
So we dropped that topic & shared about others - and then it happened:
I suddenly felt lighter. I could really feel my energy & mood rise from minute to minute.
With widening my narrowed perspective I could then even express what it was that I needed:
I just wanted to be seen in my despair & still feel loved.
And just with normal relational talk which mirrored the trust and appreciation we have for each other this was achieved.
My whole system shifted to a regulated state from which I could align with my creativity, joy, hope & power again.
Yay! 🙌🏻
So I'm struck over & over again about how much our nervous system puts a lens infront of our eyes through which we then see the world.
But the most important insight for me is again:
We mustn't do this alone!
We are tribal beings - herd animals. Feeling connection alone has the power to shift your state from dark & grumpy to bright & creative.
Thanks Love! ❤️
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Photo: Eman Genatilan
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