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Since I'm back in Leipzig after my adventurous journey (see posts before) I had some difficulty to land & come to rest. So this morning I found my cortisol level on max and unrest aswell as discomfort with most topics concerning my life. I've come a long way the last years to learn to regulate myself, take responsibility for my nervous system & not immediately get dragged into the darkest of depths - but it took tones of effort, awareness & energy to come at least into some productive state. I usually try to 'fix myself' alone or override what's alive in me but in a call with my Beloved I expressed my state & complained about the victimhood I felt in. She listened compassionately and with lots of patients. Then offered me reflections & constructive advice. The funny thing is, I couldn't take it in.🤪 I'm so grateful for her capacity to feel when things get off, for her strong boundaries & for not playing along in my unregulated bullsh*it. She clearly expressed that she won't put more energy into offering me advice since I wouldn't take it in anyway. And she was right. Unknowingly my system needed something else but I still kept asking for help. So we dropped that topic & shared about others - and then it happened: I suddenly felt lighter. I could really feel my energy & mood rise from minute to minute. With widening my narrowed perspective I could then even express what it was that I needed: I just wanted to be seen in my despair & still feel loved. And just with normal relational talk which mirrored the trust and appreciation we have for each other this was achieved. My whole system shifted to a regulated state from which I could align with my creativity, joy, hope & power again. Yay! 🙌🏻 So I'm struck over & over again about how much our nervous system puts a lens infront of our eyes through which we then see the world. But the most important insight for me is again: We mustn't do this alone! We are tribal beings - herd animals. Feeling connection alone has the power to shift your state from dark & grumpy to bright & creative. Thanks Love! ❤️

*********************** Photo: Eman Genatilan


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